Beyond Words

bahut hui raat chalo ab so jao..

2012-02-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

bahut hui raat chalo ab so jao

mere khwabon main ana hai tumhe chalo ab so jao

jhapakiyan lene lage hai taare bhi ab toh

chand bhi aankhein munade thithur raha hai

raat ka sannata pahara dekar chala bhi gaya

taakh rahe hai khwab bhi takiye ke sirahane se

bahut hui raat chalo ab so jao

mere khwabon main ana hai tumhe chalo ab so jao

tik tik karti ghadi yuhi jala rahi hai

dastak de rahi neend palkon ko sula rahi hai

baaton ka silsila ab karo bhi khatam

aao bahaon main simat jao ke ab toh raat hi rahi

bahut hui raat chalo ab so jao

mere khwabon main ana hai tumhe chalo ab so jao

..few more ramblings..

2012-02-02T08:53:00.000-08:00

 ..I stole your shoes..

..just to feel how they bite...

..and damn they did bite a lot...

..how do you manage to run so fast with them..

..few ramblings..

2012-02-02T01:33:00.000-08:00

They say it's not written in my hands..

..but among these criss-cross lines..

 ..I have found a place to write it down.

..ray of hope..

2010-12-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

After a long dark night

tiny ray of hope
peep into the crack of my life
altering my tear into pearl
my fear into courage
stirring my soul
upside down
making me stand
from the wreck of failure
till I gave pain a last glance
and moved ahead smiling
never to look back again

..end..

2010-10-27T23:52:00.006-07:00

I ripped my heart out

and let it bleed

till the last drop

of your love

could sweep out

yet frail heart

pumped your love

without single

drop of blood

so much love

swooned the soul

poisoned me whole

yet sinking breath

hugged you close and
world witness my death
right at your doorstep
strangling in your
unfinished eternal love

She

2010-10-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

when she get through pain
you were born,she was your mother
when you went to school
she worked chores,she was your sister
when you worked in office
she build your home,she was your wife
when you grew old
she supported you,she was your daughter
when your life was lonely
she hugged you,she was your girlfriend
when day was busy like hell
she lend you coffee,she was your friend
when your spirits and morals are abysmally low
she was the force to make you grow
lean she may be in the appearance
deep within she is strong and bold
amidst the whirlwind of life
she will always stand by your side
with a dash of love and care
she will bless you entire world
driving you to grow every hour
under a bliss of dazzling sunshine

..Love is forever..

2010-10-05T09:42:00.000-07:00

"Just leave my hand, Aadi ”, she was all drenched in rain. Standing under the cloudy dark sky, rain pouring them down, unable to wash those tacit emotions in her eyes.” What’s that you are hiding”, he tightly hugged her into his arms gazing into her eyes, trying to read that rare gesture in her eyes. Her puffed eyes were full of those feelings then tears. The more she tried to hide more prominent these became. Few seconds after understanding those feelings, his heart felt heavy, his trembling voice inquired,” Is it true”. Now she knew there's no reason left to hide it anymore and why did even she tried to do so. She always knew that it won't take him long to know what’s troubling her lot. She freed herself from his arms and turned her back moving away from him.” Where are going, Tiya?” .Her heart ached with never ending pain and eyes shed tears that mingled with drops of rain, without turning back to him as it was difficult to face him now, she said,” Away from you.." .Her breath stopped for a second and then uttered the last words that choked in her throat "..forever..”.

His eyes widened in shock and his heart stopped beating. He stepped towards her just standing face to face, looking straight into those eyes,"..Why..".This was the question she was scared of. But somehow she knew within, that whatever be the fear she has to do this, she has to face it, though it may be killing her inside. She closed her eyes and with all effort blasted out that fear to him, "Because my feelings for you have changed and it getting difficult day by day to fake in front of you like a friend. I don't want to hurt you.” Her eyes were red with pain, her soul was shivering. They both stood there getting drained in rain, drops of rain penetrating through their soul. Rain was draining, lightening was screaming madly. Nature stood there like an audience, catching a glimpse of emotional catastrophe which was drowning them forever. For minutes they stood there staring into each other’s eyes and they re-lived their life within those minutes right from the moment they met till here. Each and every moment, every single thought they shared echoed from the past. These echoes were so loud that even lightning failed to distract them. She stepped her feet towards him. He turned his head towards her ears and said,” Will you be able to live without me”.

It was yet another pang to her heart.Her breath again refused to beat for a second with the thought of being without a person who was part of her heart and how will she be able to live by killing that part of her heart.It was impossible even to think of it and how difficult would it be to live,she don't know and that's what her heart murmured to him,"..I don't know..".

She moved away with heavy steps ahead. But he held her hands tightly and pulled her towards himself.” You can’t do this to me .I haven’t given you right to do this yet.” He tightened his grip on her hands and she felt the instant pain.But the pain in her heart was far more pinching . His eyes were both red with anger and tears, his breath seems to be irregular. He pulled her more closely towards himself. They were close enough to listen each other’s heart beats that was accelerating every second. His voice was more painful,” You can’t do this. How will I live without you? You can’t alone decide the fate of our relationship. You can’t do this…”.Suddenly his voice was weak, all his anger was overcome by the pain in his heart. He loosened his grip on her hands and bogged down on her feet. His eyes were soaked in tears. His heart ached so much to make him physically weak. Bending his head on his knees he sat there begging her not to leave.

.....to be continued....

..drop of tear..

2010-08-31T23:20:00.000-07:00

A drop of tear
melted down in your arms
when your hands caressed me
and took me closer to your heart
your heart beats embraced my ear
soothing my pain forever
your touch broke me up
into burst of joy
and when your fingers
moved through the gaps of my fingers
my life felt complete
nothing ever existed for me then
in your arms I lost myself
no world no desire no hope
just blissful heaven

..tu hai kahin..

2010-08-25T23:48:00.000-07:00

tu hai kahin
in baadlon main chuppa
in bundon se tu
hai mujkho chu rahan
main door hu bahut
tujhse to kya
tu paas bahut hai
mere har lamha
har saans main
ehsaas hai tera
milo se nahi
hoti dooriyan
waqt rukh mordega
ek roj kabhi
yeh faasley bhi
simmat jayenge kabhi
yeh boondein phir
aise hi barsegi
yeh hawayen phir
aise hi jhoomegi

..Rain..

2010-07-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

let this rain drench

my soul forever

washing away my

anger, pain, fear, tears

far away forever

like a drop of water

on a barren land

let it end my

thirst forever

may I be lost

under this

dark cloudy sky

forgetting all

ties of responsibilities

let these drops of water

free me and

let this moment

be paused forever

I am with you Daddy..

2010-06-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

“Just leave me alone dad”,she shouted insanely.

His soul teared apart.He stepped forward, sat beside her.

She was crying endlessly,her tears hitting the photograph in her hand.

He touched her shoulder,she blasted out her entangled painful emotion with the touch,

hugged him tightly and cried “Why dad….Why he broke my heart...?”

He took out his wallet, looked at the faded photograph.

She turned her moist eyes,”Mom”.

”You know she also broke my heart”

“How”

“When you were two year old .She died, left me alone. And I was all broken”

“You hold my hand within your little fingers, smiled and said in your broken words,"I am with you Daddy”

A tear rolled out of her dad eye.She forgets her pain. Photograph in her hand fall on the floor.

She moved her hand forward to hold his tear.He stopped her, took her soft hand in his hands, and said “From that day you have nurtured my broken heart and now it’s my turn.......",smiled with his teary eyes,"....I am with you honey.!!".

P.s. Something I wrote long back

I still remember days you have forgotten

2010-06-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

I still remember days you have forgotten

rendezvous in the corner of old coffee house
longs hours waiting on the last bus stop
silly fights under the shade of gulmohar
senseless dancing on the street in the rain

I still remember days you have forgotten

crumpled letters stuffed in pocket of jeans
dried lilies pressed in the pages of novel
faded photograph in the frame of wallet
endless chats on the terrace in midnight

I still remember days you have forgotten

morning train parting us several cities away
unanswered phone calls growing day by day
tears on the crisscross lines of the palm
yearning back for winters of November

I still remember days you have forgotten

P.s. This was my first guest post on May 26th on 'Poetic cries of interpersonal expression' by Pulkit Tiwari.Do follow him because he is just an amazing writer.

..little girl and moon..

2010-05-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

"No dada please don't open that window",shouted his five year old daughter

"Why darling..it is suffocating here inside your room"

"No dada you don't know that round thing in the sky peeps into my room every night"

"What...oh ho that's moon darling"

"Whatever it is...he scares me every night with his different shapes"

"Nobody is scared of him..he come here every night just to take care of my sweet child"

"No..he scares me...how can he care about me"

"Don't get mad ..OK as you wish",he closed the window and left her room

Next night when she was closing her window,she saw he was not there in the sky.She wondered what happened to him.When for next two days he didn't came there.

She got curious so she went to her dada room to ask about moon and her dada told,"You have hurt him darling,he used to take care of you and you have misunderstood his love and care.. that's why he is upset with you".

Her innocent little heart felt bad.She ran to her room near the window, looked at the dark sky, closing her eyes she murmured ,"I am sorry..I have hurt you..Please come back.." and soon clouds hiding him parted away letting moonlight to fall on her.As she opened her eyes he smiled within her twinkling little eyes forever.

dream

2010-05-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

Every night you come
to sleep by my side
watch me dripping
into the dream world
smile encircle your eyes
when I smile
you hold me close
when nightmare shakes me
you play with my hairs
you cuddle my skin
listen to my rhythmic heart
when first ray of light
twitter outside my window
I wake up
with you missing
your fragrance is everywhere
but you are not there
and then my dream end
dashing me back
into this real world
where you are far...far away

..on the sand of past..

2010-05-23T10:33:00.001-07:00

on the sand of past

scratches of pain scream
aloud of days gone
when tears drowned my heart
into deep ocean
scars bleed your love still
when nights are alone
on the lonely path
often I walk with your love inside
I wonder around on that cliff
where you left me alone
finding answers to questions
you never gave

..surrender..

2010-05-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

You never agree on my words.We always have long hours of fights and in the end it me who always have to surrender.

Words over words
you bundle them up
on my mind
one after other
rights or wrong
you want just
yourself to win
I am all abashed
when hours passes
you still never stops
not to surrender
is always I try
but what you do
always in the end
with sparkling eyes
often hit me hard
mesmerizing me
to surrender
right at the moment
you may think
as if I am a loser
but just for this
spark in your eyes
I want to be a loser
for every fight

Smile with sadness

2010-05-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

There is always sadness hidden within his smile,which his eyes often fail to hide.I can always see that sadness sitting in the corner of his eyes.Every time I see him smiling I feel like pushing that sadness out of his eyes.But inspite of so many efforts I still fail to do so.Whenever I reach so close to those eyes something very strong force me back and I am all left with traces of his smile amalgamated with his silence sadness.Hope someday I will conquer over his sadness.

behind those fearless eyes
pain still speaks aloud
ripping me apart
away far away
I still wait
for
that smile
falling in drops on
my sweet troubled soul
pacifying my quench of peace
that often I search in your eyes

Don't leave me alone

2010-03-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

"You look beautiful",tears rolled out of his eyes when she walked towards him in vermilion attire.With her henna decorated hands she held his falling tear in her palm.She stared him for a second and turned back to the aisle,and he just whispered,"Don't leave me alone".

..I am no more myself again..

2010-02-16T21:33:00.000-08:00

..I am no more myself again..

you came scribbling your unsaid words
blooming every corner of my heart
left me within, your blissful paradise
hooked me into your tingling ripple
over-ruling my mind,body and soul
mesmerizing my thoughts,dazzling my eyes

..I am no more myself again..

past is forgotten,future worries no more
Strings of worldly ties lie broken apart
like a shadow of hope you walk beside me
breathing your fragrance,cuddling your soul
mirror reflect no more,fear scares no more
just remains your love your warmth your care

..I am no more myself again..

day begins,night ends,moon peeps,stars shine
everything fades behind your charming glory
snuggling within you my pain surrenders
seeping within my soul you steal me forever
with your endless love within, my heart just wishes
to sleep forever in cradle of your arms

..I am no more myself again..

I am renting my heart again...

2010-01-12T08:51:00.001-08:00

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

scars of past are carved beneath
pangs of grief is under wreath
smile has withered away in the corner
life is still sad like a mourner

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

darkness is awake inside my room
future seems like a bloody doom
hope is dead within these rifts
deep inside me fury drifts

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

wake me up from this endless sleep
hold me back from this great steep
accept me as I am torn and broke
mend my wounds with caressing stroke

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

seal me inside your soul forever
shield me so that I am not hurt ever
knock on my heart as breeze of dove
just pay rent of unconditional love

I am renting my heart again
somebody reside without complain

Everything is red now..

2009-11-27T21:05:00.000-08:00

Girl waiting for someone....

Eyes questing, the massive crowd
Voice impatient, to blast aloud
Every flower, fragrant with her soul
Right under, that thirsty pole
Years wept, without his glimpse
Time swept, in painful limps
Hearts will, reunite in a flash
Inhibiting tears, into that trash
Night ended, as he tread that ground
Gently turned , his head around

Innocent face, with enticing smiles
Stepped ahead, to end those miles

Roaring noise, tear her apart
Explosions, did blast his heart
Death urged him, to again depart

Numb amidst ,the bleeding soil
On ruins of her fate, she toil
Waiting endlessly, until time recoil

This was an impossible effort to frame up a moment of disaster which has shaken the foundations of heart of innumerable people in the past which run through newspaper as "13 serial blast in Delhi”. Every blast leaves some eyes with everlasting quest, some hearts with boundless ache & some hands with ruthless blood. Such narrations whenever told always leave eyes with mist of tears and hearts with pangs of fear.

No matter how far I am..

2009-11-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

As fire turned him to ashes,she decided to end her colorless life.As she step ahead,someone kicked inside her womb.Tear sprinkled as she caressed her womb and smile waved as his words echoed in her ears,"No matter how far I am,part of me will always be with you"

Phir yaadon ka karwa chal diya hai..

2009-11-18T10:03:00.000-08:00

Phir yaadon ka karwa chal diya hai..

Door tak bas akela hi chal diya hai..

Tapti doop ki garmi liye..

Kapkapati sardi ki narmi liye..

Barasti aankhon ki boondon sang..

Khilkhilati hasi ke phoolon sang..

Tanhai ko bhool kar..

Waqt ke sang jhool kar..

Phir yaadon ka karwa chal diya hai..
Door tak bas akela hi chal diya hai..

..Yaad rakhna..

2009-10-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

Yaad rakhna ek raat aisi bhi ayegi
Jab karwatein badlte badlte subh ho jayegi

Yaad rakhna ek mord aise bhi ayega
Jab thak haar kar kadam ruk jayenge

Yaad rakhna ek aansoo aisa bhi girega
Jo bhikhar kar bhi tuth nahi payega

Yaad rakhna ek pal aisa bhi ayega
Jab dhadkane bechain ho jayegi

Yaad rakhna ek shaks aisa bhi milega
Jo apna ho kar bhi anjaan lagega

Yaad rakhna ek hasi aise bhi ayegi
Jo bas tum par hi muskurayegi

Yaad rakhna ek kal aisa bhi ayega
Jo bas meri hi khani dhorayega

Yaad rakhna waqt bhi ruk jayega
Jab mera dard teri aankhon ko rulaega

Writer's Lounge

2009-10-22T03:44:00.001-07:00

Ek saal ka safar pura hua aaj..

Betein Waqt ki reth par tum sab ke nishaan dekhe..

Kuch mand mand se muskurate hue..

Kuch namm namm se bheegey hue..

Kuch lehron ke maar se mith se gaye hai..

Kuch aaj bhi utaney hi gharein hai..

Kuch nanhe-nanhe nazook se hai..

Kuch meethe-meethe bavook se hai..

Kuch nayi rahon par murd gaye hai..

Kuch bheed main kahin kho se gaye hai..

Kuch apni pehchaan se anjaan se hai..

Kuch jaane kyo hairan pareshan se hai..

Kuch shararton main doobey hue hai..

Kuch khamosh se simatey hue hai..

Kuch abhi abhi chal pade hai..

Kuch chalte -chalte thak se gaye hai..

Kuch roothey hue se lagte hai..

Kuch mananey main lage hai..

Sab bhikare hai, kuch door kuch pass hai..

Par phir bhi sab ek saath se hai ..

Sab musafir hai mere safar ke..

Mere Apne hai ab anjaan nahi..

Kuch kadam hi to chale hai abhi..

Yuh tufaano se darna hai nahi..

Mera haath pakar kar chalna hai abhi..

Sunahre panno par bas likhna hai yahi..

Ek saal nahi , kayi sadiyon ka safar tah karna hume…

P.s. This I wrote on Writer's Lounge when we celebrated it's first anniversary.WL has motivated me a lot,I really bow down and feel great to be a part of it.Thanks WL n all loungers for your encouragment,this is just like a part of me now.

..why me..

2009-10-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

She was fuming with intense anger,her eyes puffed with countless tears.She bent down and picked up a stone from ground and threw brutally in the sky,straight at the face of sparkling moon,hidden behind the hazy clouds in the dark blue sky.

"Why me....",she burst into tears with unendurable pain,fall on the ground,lie there lifeless weeping for the long hours.Her screams echoed on the solitary sea shore until no one responded.Her tears hit the rocks and shattered into thousand of pieces.Her life was strangling at that deserted land and there above in the vast sky,moon gazed with wistful eyes and mysterious smile,because he knew,what she thought was the finale,actually was the dawn of one of the most glorious and opulent sunshine.

..Though I am sitting close to you..

2009-10-22T03:14:00.000-07:00

Though I am sitting close to you

yet every second you are dying inside me

Time is digging miles between us

doubts is ruining life between us

trust is hiding in corners of house

love is suffocating inside our hearts

Though I am sitting so close to you

yet every second you are dying inside me

hold me close with last hope you have

look into my eyes with last breath of love

assure me once that everthing will be fine

this time will soon end with all those pangs

and I promise with all my possible efforts

I will never let you die inside my heart

..love..

2009-10-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

Titanic of my heart,
Sank in the ocean of your eyes
Stumps of my life,
Flung on the pitch of your hands
Tune of my notes,
danced on the voilen of your lips
War of my emotions,
started on the blast of glance
Movie of my story,
released in the theater of your arms
Castle of my dreams ,
shattered with the blow of your tears
Alas! Fire of my love,
burnt the soul of your heart

who I am..???

2009-09-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

You wanna know who I am
I am what I see in your eyes
when I look at you
I am the one your heart cares most
I am in the ticks of your wall clock
I am in tears of your joys
I am in the reflection of your mirror
I am your first ray of hope
I am your shoulder to cry on
I am close to you in your dark wintery nights
I am in the every beat of your heart
I am the one who's awake in your dreams
I am in the castle you live
I am your smile,I am your tear
I am in creases of your morning bedsheets
I am your fragrance,I am your anger
I am your past ,I am your future
I am on train you travel every day
I am in the drops of rain that touches your soul
I am everywhere,I am everything
I am your shadow,I am your fear
I am your day,I am your night
why you wonder who I am
when you know who I am
Everyday you ask me this
and everyday I repeat you same these lines
Doctors say you have lost your memory
and I say have you lost your senses
you don't remember me anymore
look straight into my eyes
hold me in your arms as always you do
feel me touch me
this is who I am
I have no identity without you
my life is not worth living
when you are not a part of it
every morning I knock at your door
just in the hope that one day
you will remember me
but it's hell when you give those strange looks
my life has just become
a walk from my home to your home
this never ending journey is what all my fate
with all my broken heart I pray you oh god
either take my memory too so that
I may not go through this pain all day
or bury me under that ground forever
so that my soul may rest with her fathomless love
that may not die even till eternity

..knots of vows..

2009-08-30T11:46:00.001-07:00

"Stop running beta...stop or you will fall.." She stepped over her slippers and fall on the ground,hurt her immature legs, felt a pint of pain,cried loudly.Her mother ran towards her,hold her in arms,cuddled her tiny hands,kissed her cheeks,dried her tears.

Far away from window, as Anna was gazing all this,her mind wandered back to her childhood, and as it came back touching those flashes of memories,her eyes dropped a tiny tear .She opened her palm,hold that on her hand.As light fall from the window on that tear,it reflected the beautiful design of henna on her hand.She turned to look into the mirror at the alluring bride in vermilion attire.Her forehead scintillating with golden bindi, hairs parted apart with a pinch of red kumkum,eyes shaded with dreams of future,lips muted with pain of separation.Her heart skipping furiously with a fear of loosing and joy of achieving at the same moment. Time ran so fast, she never realized until she tied knots of vows and moved seven times around a flame of sacred fire.She opened her wardrobe,took out a sliver box,kept that on the side of bed,sat down on the floor near the bed and opened that box,took out her doll dressed as she did now,with red lehanga and chuni,hairs knotted with red tiny ribbons. She slowly touched her tiny clothes,her hands,her hairs.Some voices from past whispered in her ears.
"mom,see my doll is getting married..I have dressed her as a bride..."
"..wow beta your doll is looking gorgeous..but when she will get married she will leave you.."
"..why mom,she is just getting married.."
"..ya beta when a girl get married she leaves her home and move ahead with her groom as you will leave me when you will grow up.."
"..no mom no I won't leave you ever.I won't get married if I have to leave you.." Her heart ached at those whispering words of past.Her eyes drenched with tears.
A hand on her shoulder obstructed her streams of thoughts.She turned her head,amidst the mist of tears she saw those wrinkled eyes with droplets of tears,touched those weak hands which has so many times holded her when she was about to fall.That touch freeze her heart,she broke her whirlpool of emotions,wrapped her hands tightly across her,yelled endlessly,"..I don't wanna leave you mom..I don't want..".Her mother caressed her head softly ,lifted her face in hands,rubbed her tears,erased the dash of kajal under her eyes with the corner of her Saree. "It time for vidaai beta...it time for my doll to leave her mother.. ", her mother said in a heavy voice.Picked her from the floor,adjusted her Saree on her head,holded her hand and took her outside.Every single eyes she looked at, was full of tears,her heart pain a lot at that every single look.She wanted to run backwards,wanted to scream,"Don't take me please...".
At last, came the moment she has been scared of,right from the day these ceremonies began.She stood a step away from the car adorned with colorful flower.Her feet failed to move ahead.Her brother came forward holded her,opened the door of car.She turned her head back,passed an eye on her surroundings ,her beautiful home,her careless childhood, her treasure of moments,her peck of unending relations.She was leaving behind ,everything that was her,and right from the moment she will step inside that car,everything will be lost for ever.Her heart was throbbing very fast scared of unknown world waiting ahead, voice stammering,tears rolling down,like a innocent child she was crying endlessly.She opened her arms for her mother to hold her for the last time.Her mother ran towards her,kissed her cheeks ,touch her tears,hold her hand and made her sit inside the car.Door closed,she turned her head backwards.Everything started moving backward slowly.She touched glass window,behind that mist of tears she could just see blurred images of her family.All alone she was left now,she stared as far as her eyes could take her.
Suddenly she felt someone holded her hand.She turned her moist eyes,he sat there smiling,holding her hand.With the dazzling smile on his face,he uttered"Don't worry sweetheart,I am there to hold you now..".He raised his hand to dry her tears from her cheeks and kissed her forehead and holded her in his arms.She closed her eyes and relaxed her soul in his arms,smile waved her lips and heart relaxed at the new treasure which she has found.Resting her head on his chest,all the way she dreamt of her new journey into the future which was about to start...

P.s.I tried to capture the most difficult moment in girl's life,and what ease this moment is a soft hand of understanding,love & care from the other side.Originally posted at Writers Lounge.

future..present..past..

2009-07-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

..flashes of memories peep out of the curtains of future..
..charm of happiness blushes on the face of present..
..success of life raised from the failure of past..

..Over a cup of coffee Part II...

2009-07-17T02:48:00.000-07:00

..continued from "Over a cup of coffee"

He called waiter for one more cup of coffee.She too felt a desire to have one.As he asked waiter to bring one more cup of coffee,she added
"Make it two"
"Ok mam"
He gave a smile,again bend his head and continued scribbling in his notebook.She was getting bored.She wanted to know what he was writing in that notebook.After few minutes , her curiosity break heights and finally she blasted,"What are you scribbling in that notebook...???"
He raised his head,there was so depth in those blue eyes,that anyone would find themselves lost there.
"I am writing a letter to my best friend,Sheetal"
Somehow his words rescued her from getting lost in those eyes.She drifted her eyes away from his eyes and rested them on the letter.
"Ok so is she far away from you"
"no not so far"
"then why are you writing this letter to her"
" actually,she is little bit angry with me"
"but then why letter why don't you call her or meet her",she was getting puzzled.
"She will not talk to me,neither will she meet"
"You did something wrong"
"No...actually that's what I want to know from her,that what mistake I did ,that she is so angry with me."
She started wondering how can a friend do like this, stop talking to your best friend without any cause.He took a sip of coffee and looked straight at her wandering eyes.
"That's why I came here daily and write a letter to her"
He paused for a second and continued his streams of words with bit of excitement,
"You know this is the place where I met her first time ,and this same coffee we took that day..",for a second he was lost in those beautiful moments of past.But his series of flashes was knocked by her scream,
"What you write letter daily..how long you have been writing these letters.."
"hmmm.. 3 months 12 days"
Her eyes widened with shock,"..and she hasn't responded even to your one letter"
His voice was little bit heavy now,"No,she hasn't replied yet"
He took a last sip of his coffee,tore that letter from notebook,folded it and put inside the envelope,wrote her address on the envelope. She was still wandering with shock that what kind of a friend he is having who hasn't replied even to his one letter. He took his bag and notebook gave that same dazzling smile,"Thanks a lot for allowing me to sit here..it was nice talking to you"
She tried to smile too but somehow her heart was not feeling good,"Its ok"
He stood up and stepped out of the door.She saw him leaving,her eyes stared at his back.When he was out of her sight,she turned her eyes towards her coffee.She felt something near her feet,bend down and picked up the folded paper.
"This must be his letter, may have fallen from his notebook".She thought, turning her eyes towards the exit door of cafe.But he was already gone.Somehow she couldn't hold her holds from reading that letter.As she opened it and her eyes ran through that letter her heart started pumping furiously.That letter said,

Aryan,

Please stop sending these letters.Your letters have loaded my letter box.I have told you so many times that Sheetal is no more.She is dead.She can't come back.Come to your senses Aryan.Face this reality.She is no more to read these letters.

Sheetal's Mom

Tears rolled out of her eyes.Her heart felt a pangs of pain.She turned her moist eyes away from letter at the glass window of the cafe.Amidst the mist of tears,far from other side of road,she saw Aryan infront of letter box, he kissed the letter in his hand and dropped it into the letter box.

..Over a cup of coffee..

2009-07-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

Her heart was throbbing inside her chest.She placed her hand to calm it down,but it seems restless.Unlock her cell and looked at the watch 3:20p.m.,just five minutes more."Take a deep breath sweetie",her inner track murmured.She took a deep breath.Mind was wandering here and there,somebody knocked her stream of thoughts,"Your order mam".
"Cud you please wait for five more minutes I am waiting for someone".
"Sure, mam"
She dashed her eyes around the cafe.Almost every table was occupied with lovely couples,caressing each other.Suddenly somebody obstructed her eyes.She raised her eyes,deep blue eyes with dazzling smile.There was so much seduction in his smile that she was out of her senses for a second,she couldn't hear what he was saying to her , was just staring him continuously.Her inner track screamed loudly "Hey what are you doing".That voice hit her ears,and she was out of his seduction and saw him uttering "Excuse me can I sit here".
Something inside her was dying to shout "yes,sure you can".But her ego altered her words
"But I am expecting someone within five minutes"
"I know,but I will just take 5 minutes I need to have a cup of coffee and since all tables are occupied I can't help myself without giving you inconvenience".She smiled and asked him to have seat.
She turned her eyes towards the glass window,but somehow from the corner of her eyes she tried grasp everything he was doing.He called waiter and asked for a cup of Cappuccino.Opened his shoulder bag and took out black dairy and started scribbling something.When she was trying hard to look at what he was writing her phone started vibrated inside her jeans pocket.She took out her phone saw her mom calling,"hello mom"
"hello sweetie,have you reached there ..did he came there"
"Mom,I am already here,he has not came yet"
"He must have got late,he will be there ....oh beta just hold down he calling .."
"k..mom".She holded her call for a second and then her mother told that he will be there in 20 minutes.She Screamed "20 minutes more,I am already getting late for office,I told you I don't wanna meet this guy..."
"hold on beta cool no problem he will be there ..".Her mood started fluctuating...She was really angry she disconnected her phone in anger.Everything was fuming inside her mind.She wanted to just leave that place.Amidst her anger she forget that,he was still sitting there.He forwarded a glass of water towards her,she raised her eyes,"It will cool you down".
His sweet voice somehow struck her heart and melted down her anger.She took a glass of water.He flashed his dazzling smile.
"Thanks a lot"
"Now can I have one more cup of coffee,since you have to wait for 15 minutes more."
"OK,no problem have it"

...to be continued..

..kuch to..

2009-05-24T23:53:00.000-07:00

..kuch to aaj keh rahin hai yeh hawayein..

..kuch to shararat to kar rahin hai fizayein..

..sab mand-mand muskura si rahin hai..

..mere sawaloon ko uljha si rahin hai..

..kya yeh kisi meethi si khushi ka ehsaas hai..

..ya phir se boondo ko tutne ki pyaas hai..

..in patthon main simti yeh kaisi yaadein hai..

..in rahon par padey yeh kaise nishaan hai..

..yeh kis ore sab ishara si kar rahin hai..

..mere umeedon ko yeh saja si rahin hai..

..kya yeh kisi meethi si khushi ka ehsaas hai ..

..ya phir se boondo ko tutne ki pyaas hai..

..kyon badloon ki haasi itni bheki hai..

..kyon phoolon ki khusboo inti mheki hai..

..kaise hai yeh khwaab jo dikha si rahi hai..

..mere ankhon ko need se uthaan si rahi hai..

..kya yeh kisi meethi si khushi ka ehsaas hai ..

..ya phir se boondo ko tutne ki pyaas hai..

..So...!!!!

2009-04-13T12:34:00.000-07:00

"So, you are leaving me alone

After holding my hands so long you want me to walk alone.

I m sorry I never learnt so and will never ever do so...."

2009-03-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

My heart and mind are at war,
mind keep manipulating things,
heart keep nullifying them,
this war is tearing my heart down,
and I still want my heart to win.

..Last touch..!!

2009-03-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

My hands touched her hands last time and my eyes drenched with endless tears.I turned my face away from her and moved away with that touch into the huge crowd at the railway station.I felt so empty as if my soul freezed with her last touch.I wanted to run back steps and hold her tightly,I wanted time to stop there,I wanted to live those moments forever.I wanted scream and scold God for making me stand at this stage of life.But,I failed b'coz I knew nothing can stop this.I have to face anyhow.With blurred vision as heavy step I came back to the place where I left my luggage.I wanted to cry loudly but somehow I had to hold them .I sat on my bedding facing my back from my batchmates who were standing their and let my tears to fall.I was always scared of this day.Once I was scared to step foot on this place and now I am scared to leave this place.How come this strange place become so attached I don't know.Actully it was not this place but the beautiful memories which I treasured here made me attached to this place.My beautiful spicy moments of four years of my graduation.I was afraid to leave my friends who made these moments.Tears kept on rolling ,it was the most difficult moments.I look at my hands that holded the last touch of my friend,Ananya.Bending my head down I started crying endlessly.All past moments started flashing through my eyes.Right from my first step to the last with the blend of all laughter,fights,tears.Suddenly in between these flashes I saw somebody forwarding a hankerchief in front of my face."You can take this I have washed today only".I moved my head and looked with my moist eyes to Omi and this sweet gesture of him brought a tinge of smile admist a peck of tears.It felt like someone kept a warm hand on my sinking heart.I was bit relaxed to see him sitting infront of me with the pristine smile and his smile made me realise that I still had one friend left to walk few steps with me.Whistle of the train distracted my series of thoughts and I got up to carry my luggage.The trains stops there only for five minutes,so everybody started running to catch train.As we had a lot of luggage we all picked up our luggage fastly and threw it at the entrance door of boggie and then entered the door stepping on beddings.As there was so much rush inside so we sat at that entrance door only.It was not that we could not have got space to sit inside but we all were so emotionally drenched that we prefered to be away from crowds and be with our lonliness.As I sat on the bedding train began to move.I felt sudden pang inside my heart.My eyes instantly moved towards the entrance door to see that place last time.But I couldn't ,I saw Omi standing there obstructing my view.He stood there as train slowly started moving away from that place.I could see his back only but could feel the emotional fight he must be going through.I shouted,"Hey,come here".He turned back with his pale face.My heart craved for an unanswered question Why are men not allowed to cry?I said,"You are crying?".He replied in the pale voice,"U didn't let me cry" and I realised it's not only me who is facing this separation.So,the journey of four years ended here.Four year of a life out of home,of making best pals,of scoring less scores,of ultimate pleasure.It took four years to make friends and just a second to loose them.It's not that they will never be my friends anymore but they will never be so close anymore.As the train started accelerating my every single moment started moving backward and my path started turning to the future which was unpredictable.The future which is still to be lived.How far I will carry ahead this tinge of separation I don't know but I know one thing whenever I will turn back to this day,a drop of tear will fall from my eyes.

P.s. Last day of my college,those tears are still wet,which do sometimes fall from my eyes when I look back at my beautiful journey.I miss you all n I love you all...

..As I Stood by his side..

2009-02-27T03:00:00.000-08:00

Holding my breath so long
As I stood by his side
Separation walked out of the door,
Miles narrowed to a step.
Tears hide in the corners,
Smile flaunted in the centre.
Heart skipped so fast,
Time freeze to stop.
Hands shivered to walk,
Eyes muttered to talk.
Words started to fall,
Life danced to roll..!!!

Part I

2008-04-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

"How are you all today,must be hungry?",he said and slowly sitting down on a wooden bench,putting his stick towards his right leg,he took out few small pieces of bread from a folded newspaper and flew them from his hand towards them and they just jumped down fighting with each other just to eat as much as they can."Com'on don't fight and eat properly", and they stopped fighting and started eating properly."That's good",he said smiling.He sat there till no bread crump was left in newspaper.He sat there watching from his spectacles, in between adjusting it to see properly with his weak hands,so that he can properly see them.Time has turned him old enough to have wrinkles on his face and his skin from face just hangs down.His eyes could barely see as its get darker,his knees joint cried as he moved his feet's.But now from years it seems that this pain has become so much part of his life that ,he can't imagine how will he feel without it.Old Age has bend his back down,and taken away all his support.But still some how in this lonely world he has find some friends,who would not reply to his words as human can but can feel his love for them because love does not have any languages.As sun slowly came down and get cooler,he would come here to fill the emptiness which has captured his heart from years and to share few moments of peace with these little birds.He knew these little birds were far better than human beings,at least they wont hurt anybody like human do.Sun has already started to hide behind the mountains and slowly and slowly dark was engulfing the rays of lights from sky.So, he holded his stick and pushed his body away from bench with lot of effort and standing with the support of his stick,he smiled with pain of separation and said "good bye" to those little birds who after having there meal with his friend where ready to have a sound sleep on there cosy bed.After his "good bye" they get a signal and flied away with their delicate wings to the tree nearby and disappeared behind the thick leaves.He move ahead with small steps leaving behind his only peaceful corner.Behind his back sun closed his eyes slowly to relax behind the mountains and ended the journey of this day.As day ends so began hopes and dreams of tomorrow.But here also he was the poorest one,as he didn't had any hopes or any dreams left for tomorrow.His life was aimless at the verge and how long he will feed these bird with his hands,that only he know who has created this entire world.

Some Words...

2008-01-04T01:20:00.001-08:00

Sometime mere words hurt so much that it often take years to remove those scars.But have you ever thought why it take year to remove those scar,because we often scratch those scar time to time and never try to heal them and suffer from endless pain.