..Though I am sitting close to you..

Though I am sitting close to you

yet every second you are dying inside me

Time is digging miles between us

doubts is ruining life between us

trust is hiding in corners of house

love is suffocating inside our hearts

Though I am sitting so close to you

yet every second you are dying inside me

hold me close with last hope you have

look into my eyes with last breath of love

assure me once that everthing will be fine

this time will soon end with all those pangs

and I promise with all my possible efforts

I will never let you die inside my heart

..love..

Titanic of my heart,
Sank in the ocean of your eyes
Stumps of my life,
Flung on the pitch of your hands
Tune of my notes,
danced on the voilen of your lips
War of my emotions,
started on the blast of glance
Movie of my story,
released in the theater of your arms
Castle of my dreams ,
shattered with the blow of your tears
Alas! Fire of my love,
burnt the soul of your heart

who I am..???

You wanna know who I am
I am what I see in your eyes
when I look at you
I am the one your heart cares most
I am in the ticks of your wall clock
I am in tears of your joys
I am in the reflection of your mirror
I am your first ray of hope
I am your shoulder to cry on
I am close to you in your dark wintery nights
I am in the every beat of your heart
I am the one who's awake in your dreams
I am in the castle you live
I am your smile,I am your tear
I am in creases of your morning bedsheets
I am your fragrance,I am your anger
I am your past ,I am your future
I am on train you travel every day
I am in the drops of rain that touches your soul
I am everywhere,I am everything
I am your shadow,I am your fear
I am your day,I am your night
why you wonder who I am
when you know who I am
Everyday you ask me this
and everyday I repeat you same these lines
Doctors say you have lost your memory
and I say have you lost your senses
you don't remember me anymore
look straight into my eyes
hold me in your arms as always you do
feel me touch me
this is who I am
I have no identity without you
my life is not worth living
when you are not a part of it
every morning I knock at your door
just in the hope that one day
you will remember me
but it's hell when you give those strange looks
my life has just become
a walk from my home to your home
this never ending journey is what all my fate
with all my broken heart I pray you oh god
either take my memory too so that
I may not go through this pain all day
or bury me under that ground forever
so that my soul may rest with her fathomless love
that may not die even till eternity

..knots of vows..

"Stop running beta...stop or you will fall.." She stepped over her slippers and fall on the ground,hurt her immature legs, felt a pint of pain,cried loudly.Her mother ran towards her,hold her in arms,cuddled her tiny hands,kissed her cheeks,dried her tears.

Far away from window, as Anna was gazing all this,her mind wandered back to her childhood, and as it came back touching those flashes of memories,her eyes dropped a tiny tear .She opened her palm,hold that on her hand.As light fall from the window on that tear,it reflected the beautiful design of henna on her hand.She turned to look into the mirror at the alluring bride in vermilion attire.Her forehead scintillating with golden bindi, hairs parted apart with a pinch of red kumkum,eyes shaded with dreams of future,lips muted with pain of separation.Her heart skipping furiously with a fear of loosing and joy of achieving at the same moment. Time ran so fast, she never realized until she tied knots of vows and moved seven times around a flame of sacred fire.She opened her wardrobe,took out a sliver box,kept that on the side of bed,sat down on the floor near the bed and opened that box,took out her doll dressed as she did now,with red lehanga and chuni,hairs knotted with red tiny ribbons. She slowly touched her tiny clothes,her hands,her hairs.Some voices from past whispered in her ears.
"mom,see my doll is getting married..I have dressed her as a bride..."
"..wow beta your doll is looking gorgeous..but when she will get married she will leave you.."
"..why mom,she is just getting married.."
"..ya beta when a girl get married she leaves her home and move ahead with her groom as you will leave me when you will grow up.."
"..no mom no I won't leave you ever.I won't get married if I have to leave you.." Her heart ached at those whispering words of past.Her eyes drenched with tears.
A hand on her shoulder obstructed her streams of thoughts.She turned her head,amidst the mist of tears she saw those wrinkled eyes with droplets of tears,touched those weak hands which has so many times holded her when she was about to fall.That touch freeze her heart,she broke her whirlpool of emotions,wrapped her hands tightly across her,yelled endlessly,"..I don't wanna leave you mom..I don't want..".Her mother caressed her head softly ,lifted her face in hands,rubbed her tears,erased the dash of kajal under her eyes with the corner of her Saree. "It time for vidaai beta...it time for my doll to leave her mother.. ", her mother said in a heavy voice.Picked her from the floor,adjusted her Saree on her head,holded her hand and took her outside.Every single eyes she looked at, was full of tears,her heart pain a lot at that every single look.She wanted to run backwards,wanted to scream,"Don't take me please...".
At last, came the moment she has been scared of,right from the day these ceremonies began.She stood a step away from the car adorned with colorful flower.Her feet failed to move ahead.Her brother came forward holded her,opened the door of car.She turned her head back,passed an eye on her surroundings ,her beautiful home,her careless childhood, her treasure of moments,her peck of unending relations.She was leaving behind ,everything that was her,and right from the moment she will step inside that car,everything will be lost for ever.Her heart was throbbing very fast scared of unknown world waiting ahead, voice stammering,tears rolling down,like a innocent child she was crying endlessly.She opened her arms for her mother to hold her for the last time.Her mother ran towards her,kissed her cheeks ,touch her tears,hold her hand and made her sit inside the car.Door closed,she turned her head backwards.Everything started moving backward slowly.She touched glass window,behind that mist of tears she could just see blurred images of her family.All alone she was left now,she stared as far as her eyes could take her.
Suddenly she felt someone holded her hand.She turned her moist eyes,he sat there smiling,holding her hand.With the dazzling smile on his face,he uttered"Don't worry sweetheart,I am there to hold you now..".He raised his hand to dry her tears from her cheeks and kissed her forehead and holded her in his arms.She closed her eyes and relaxed her soul in his arms,smile waved her lips and heart relaxed at the new treasure which she has found.Resting her head on his chest,all the way she dreamt of her new journey into the future which was about to start...

P.s.I tried to capture the most difficult moment in girl's life,and what ease this moment is a soft hand of understanding,love & care from the other side.Originally posted at Writers Lounge.

future..present..past..

..flashes of memories peep out of the curtains of future..
..charm of happiness blushes on the face of present..
..success of life raised from the failure of past..

..Over a cup of coffee Part II...

..continued from "Over a cup of coffee"

He called waiter for one more cup of coffee.She too felt a desire to have one.As he asked waiter to bring one more cup of coffee,she added
"Make it two"
"Ok mam"
He gave a smile,again bend his head and continued scribbling in his notebook.She was getting bored.She wanted to know what he was writing in that notebook.After few minutes , her curiosity break heights and finally she blasted,"What are you scribbling in that notebook...???"
He raised his head,there was so depth in those blue eyes,that anyone would find themselves lost there.
"I am writing a letter to my best friend,Sheetal"
Somehow his words rescued her from getting lost in those eyes.She drifted her eyes away from his eyes and rested them on the letter.
"Ok so is she far away from you"
"no not so far"
"then why are you writing this letter to her"
" actually,she is little bit angry with me"
"but then why letter why don't you call her or meet her",she was getting puzzled.
"She will not talk to me,neither will she meet"
"You did something wrong"
"No...actually that's what I want to know from her,that what mistake I did ,that she is so angry with me."
She started wondering how can a friend do like this, stop talking to your best friend without any cause.He took a sip of coffee and looked straight at her wandering eyes.
"That's why I came here daily and write a letter to her"
He paused for a second and continued his streams of words with bit of excitement,
"You know this is the place where I met her first time ,and this same coffee we took that day..",for a second he was lost in those beautiful moments of past.But his series of flashes was knocked by her scream,
"What you write letter daily..how long you have been writing these letters.."
"hmmm.. 3 months 12 days"
Her eyes widened with shock,"..and she hasn't responded even to your one letter"
His voice was little bit heavy now,"No,she hasn't replied yet"
He took a last sip of his coffee,tore that letter from notebook,folded it and put inside the envelope,wrote her address on the envelope. She was still wandering with shock that what kind of a friend he is having who hasn't replied even to his one letter. He took his bag and notebook gave that same dazzling smile,"Thanks a lot for allowing me to sit here..it was nice talking to you"
She tried to smile too but somehow her heart was not feeling good,"Its ok"
He stood up and stepped out of the door.She saw him leaving,her eyes stared at his back.When he was out of her sight,she turned her eyes towards her coffee.She felt something near her feet,bend down and picked up the folded paper.
"This must be his letter, may have fallen from his notebook".She thought, turning her eyes towards the exit door of cafe.But he was already gone.Somehow she couldn't hold her holds from reading that letter.As she opened it and her eyes ran through that letter her heart started pumping furiously.That letter said,

Aryan,

Please stop sending these letters.Your letters have loaded my letter box.I have told you so many times that Sheetal is no more.She is dead.She can't come back.Come to your senses Aryan.Face this reality.She is no more to read these letters.

Sheetal's Mom

Tears rolled out of her eyes.Her heart felt a pangs of pain.She turned her moist eyes away from letter at the glass window of the cafe.Amidst the mist of tears,far from other side of road,she saw Aryan infront of letter box, he kissed the letter in his hand and dropped it into the letter box.

..Over a cup of coffee..

Her heart was throbbing inside her chest.She placed her hand to calm it down,but it seems restless.Unlock her cell and looked at the watch 3:20p.m.,just five minutes more."Take a deep breath sweetie",her inner track murmured.She took a deep breath.Mind was wandering here and there,somebody knocked her stream of thoughts,"Your order mam".
"Cud you please wait for five more minutes I am waiting for someone".
"Sure, mam"
She dashed her eyes around the cafe.Almost every table was occupied with lovely couples,caressing each other.Suddenly somebody obstructed her eyes.She raised her eyes,deep blue eyes with dazzling smile.There was so much seduction in his smile that she was out of her senses for a second,she couldn't hear what he was saying to her , was just staring him continuously.Her inner track screamed loudly "Hey what are you doing".That voice hit her ears,and she was out of his seduction and saw him uttering "Excuse me can I sit here".
Something inside her was dying to shout "yes,sure you can".But her ego altered her words
"But I am expecting someone within five minutes"
"I know,but I will just take 5 minutes I need to have a cup of coffee and since all tables are occupied I can't help myself without giving you inconvenience".She smiled and asked him to have seat.
She turned her eyes towards the glass window,but somehow from the corner of her eyes she tried grasp everything he was doing.He called waiter and asked for a cup of Cappuccino.Opened his shoulder bag and took out black dairy and started scribbling something.When she was trying hard to look at what he was writing her phone started vibrated inside her jeans pocket.She took out her phone saw her mom calling,"hello mom"
"hello sweetie,have you reached there ..did he came there"
"Mom,I am already here,he has not came yet"
"He must have got late,he will be there ....oh beta just hold down he calling .."
"k..mom".She holded her call for a second and then her mother told that he will be there in 20 minutes.She Screamed "20 minutes more,I am already getting late for office,I told you I don't wanna meet this guy..."
"hold on beta cool no problem he will be there ..".Her mood started fluctuating...She was really angry she disconnected her phone in anger.Everything was fuming inside her mind.She wanted to just leave that place.Amidst her anger she forget that,he was still sitting there.He forwarded a glass of water towards her,she raised her eyes,"It will cool you down".
His sweet voice somehow struck her heart and melted down her anger.She took a glass of water.He flashed his dazzling smile.
"Thanks a lot"
"Now can I have one more cup of coffee,since you have to wait for 15 minutes more."
"OK,no problem have it"

...to be continued..